Funny Husband And Wife Quotes by Lewis Grizzard, W. Somerset Maugham, Lyndon B. Johnson, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Paul Hornung, Francois de La Rochefoucauld and many others.
I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn’t want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of thing.
I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it.
Husbands are like fires – they go out when unattended.
Never get married in the morning, because you never know who you’ll meet that night.
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other… until death do them join.
The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.
I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Love is a fever which marriage puts to bed and cures.
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.
When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.
The most dangerous food is wedding cake.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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