Funny Husband And Wife Quotes

Funny Husband And Wife Quotes by Lewis Grizzard, W. Somerset Maugham, Lyndon B. Johnson, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Paul Hornung, Francois de La Rochefoucauld and many others.

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
Lewis Grizzard
A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn’t want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of thing.
W. Somerset Maugham
I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it.
Lyndon B. Johnson
Husbands are like fires – they go out when unattended.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Never get married in the morning, because you never know who you’ll meet that night.
Paul Hornung
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other… until death do them join.
Elbert Hubbard
The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
Herbert V. Prochnow
A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.
Ruth Graham
I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner
Love is a fever which marriage puts to bed and cures.
Richard J. Needham
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.
George Bernard Shaw
When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.
Helen Rowland
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
The most dangerous food is wedding cake.
James Thurber
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Henny Youngman